SIDEBAR**
This 24/7 news-cycle we live in has fucked the integrity of journalism. Opinions are not news. Manufactured hot-takes are not news. You gotta really love sports watching this shit because you are getting played. And I’m not just talking about sports media… Ya’ll Peyton Manning was declining, the Steelers were floundering, the underachieving Colts underachieving. The Patriots were still the team to beat. Brady is great because he hears it all. It felt like an ominous shift; untrusting of good fortune.
Did Joe Montana have to deal with with this bullshit throughout the 49ers dynasty?
“Would Montana be total ass without Dwight Clark bailing him out?”
“Montana got lucky in ‘82. If it weren’t for Rice, he’d be trash.”
Sports discourse is an exemplary microcosm of how humans gather information. How information is interpreted likely dictates how the information is applied. Each year, fans of all 32 NFL teams convince themselves they are just a piece or two away from competing for a championship. Through free-agency and the draft, the hope is to build on the successes of the previous year or blow it all up and start over. Phrases like, “Oh he’s gonna be a steal!” or “That was a reach! BUST!” are uttered ad nauseam with each draft pick. Every trade between teams must have a fleecer and a fleecee. Then from May to September the same script is given to the squawking pundits in media to predict with absolute conviction how the upcoming season will shake out.
Players are compared to players of past eras regardless of context. From franchise to coaching staff, to the quality of the surrounding cast, many variables can help or hinder a player’s ability to succeed.
Media is the only place where an “expert” can have a 25% accuracy rate repeatedly and never risk losing credibility. Mel Kiper Jr. stated he would retire if Jimmy Clausen was a bust. Sure enough, Jimmy Pickles was drafted in the second round of the 2010 draft by the Carolina Panthers, lasting six season with three teams before exiting the NFL.
The few things I remember from his tenure in the NFL:
1.) Him refusing to give up his jersey number 2 to Panthers 2011 first overall pick, Cam Newton.
2.) Clausen's start for the Bears against the Seahawks where he netted 48 passing yards in a 26-0 loss.
3.) A start with the Ravens that resulted in a loss, 34-14, to the Chiefs. Baltimore broke out one of the most hideous uniform alternates I have ever seen. Ha!
Yet, 15 years later, Mel Kiper Jr., the man credited with inventing mock drafts, still works as a draft expert for ESPN. Now I really do understand that it is hard to predict the NFL Draft selections months in advance. It takes a lot of dedication to mock up a draft, knowing it wouldn’t be accurate. Provisions made weekly. Up until the day of the draft when no prediction is correct and the dingleberries who have been lapping up all those mocks for three months are stunned, shocked, even angered! “Bro, I had Ohio State WR, Conrad Nut going 17th to the Bonkos. I think Nebraska WR, Yer’Michael Douglass was a reach. Thoughts unending?”
I do not mean to single out Mel Kiper Jr., he is just one of many. He makes a lot of money for essentially being that annoying guy in the office. The only difference is I get paid to listen to the annoying guy at the office’s takes.
